I was living in a tent on Camp Speicher, about 10 miles from Tikrit, Iraq when I wrote this. The hunt for Saddam was in full swing and on the radio every day.
Ten More Minutes
A hypothetical scenario of the US Army's hunt for Saddam
By
Chuck
Oct 24, 2003
I am going to tell you a story. A story that will relate to you what the U.S. Military was going through before they found Saddam, The Self described Lion of the Desert, Lying in the Desert. We all know about the vigilance of the US Army, but lets look at the chase from Saddam’s side. The news was full of reports of where Saddam was and was not. Peter Jennings was reporting that he moved every 4 hours and that the US was only a footstep behind him. We heard this for months!
At the time I thought that Saddam had either joined Wormhuggers Anonymous, being hid out by the CIA and living in Las Vegas, or he was having the time of his life keeping the big kid on the block scratching our heads. Saddam enjoys a good fight, no doubt. He murdered his political opponents on his first day as El Presidente; used them for target practice. “There. You see Odai. Third button down. Now you try it on that one over there.”
“Can I shoot her in the knee Pop? I think I can hit her knee.”
“Knee is good Son. Knee is good.”
He attacked his neighbors for fun. He antagonized the US until us invaded him..Ok. Maybe not really or maybe he didn’t mean to, but after 9-11 anyone so much as sneezes in our direction and we are going face to face. Mohmar got awful helpful all of a sudden. Did you notice? Saddam fancies himself in the vein of King Neberkanuzer(sic). His palace in Tikrit is flanked by statues of a Mesopotamian Archer on one side and a soldier with his AK-47 on the other. Until the Commanding General blew them up, the Palace gate was guarded by two statues of him on his horse, sword raised and rockets firing from its hooves. Duh! How does this guy see himself? He killed his 4th grade teacher, when he was in the fourth grade! Along with Stalin and Hitler, he has to be one of Machavelli’s and Sun Tzus biggest fans.
Of course it’s been hard to find him. Right now it’s his only defense. That’s his big deal: COULDN’T FIND HIM! From the looks of the Hajjis I’ve seen on base you’d think this country was running a lottery with the grand prize going to the winner of a Saddam look-alike contest. HUP! What’s this? I feel another stale joke coming on. “Yo Hammid! Good news! Saddam survived the latest barrage of American Smart bombs so you’ve still got a job as his double. The bad news is that he lost an arm.”
Saddam, according to the rhetoric, was “12 hours away from being captured” That was in May. “Saddam was here. He went out for pizza and said he would be right back”. He is running out of places to hide. We’ve all read that ad-nauseam.
I sit here in October wondering: is he still running out of places to hide, or are we running out of places to look for him.
What is Saddam doing right now? At this very moment; if he’s not hugging maggots what? Since we’ve developed the annoying habit of showing up in full battle dress and Abrams tanks where ever we suspect him to be, he must move every 4 hours to remain safe, my money is on sleeping. Seems like he’d surrender just to get a good nights sleep. Lets invite ourselves into a possible Saddam sceneario.
Saddam! Saddam! Wake up Highness. Our four hours is up. Its time to boogie.
Go away. I’m really tired.
But Hajjiness, the 101st Airborne are gathering in the front garden with hand grenades and rocket launchers.
OK OK! Just another 10 minutes then. How can I harass the Americans while I’m dead on my feet?
Saddam Saddam. Get up Your Paunchiness. The Airborne devils are yelling for everyone to come out with their hands up.
By Allah’s Peace! You son of an Amsterdam window shopper! Just let me get another three or four minutes…They were 12 hours behind us eleven hours and 50 minutes ago. That gives me another 10 minutes. The Yankee Dogs never lie. Most of them are Baptists. Don’t you watch CNN? I swear! I’m going to shoot your whole family if you don’t leave me be.
Saddam! Odiousness! Get your self up. The Friends of Satan are breaking down the front door. We have to get into the tunnel and haul tookus!
By the fire of Allah’s vengeance. May your dog-faced daughters be visited by 10,000 fleas in the flower of their maidenhood. Don’t wake me up again until they get into the front room. Just another few minutes. I was right in the middle of a dream with 70 pensive virgins and just me without those randy kids of mine. Do you know how hard it was to get the girls when they were around?
Saddam, Saddam. Get up your dastardliness. Rise from your blessed erotic nightmares for we must make our escape.
Look You! Remind me to buy a clock with a snooze alarm…and shoot all your children in the morning. Now get out of here and stall ‘em for five minutes, just five minutes. I would sell my own mother for 5 more minutes sleep. Haa!…. She only brought ten Scheckels..but that was a long time ago. Nevermind. Make yourself useful. God of the Desert! I have to get some shut-eye. Show me you can do something besides look like me. Demand your rights. Tell them you are not surrendering till you speak to your lawyer in the morning. They’re Americans. They go for stuff like that. Threaten to sue them. And I am NOT!! Sleeping in my clothes anymore. Now get outta here. You need to get a grip. Your timing is lousy. Where do I find these jokers…zzzzzzzzz.
Ten More Minutes
A hypothetical scenario of the US Army's hunt for Saddam
By
Chuck
Oct 24, 2003
I am going to tell you a story. A story that will relate to you what the U.S. Military was going through before they found Saddam, The Self described Lion of the Desert, Lying in the Desert. We all know about the vigilance of the US Army, but lets look at the chase from Saddam’s side. The news was full of reports of where Saddam was and was not. Peter Jennings was reporting that he moved every 4 hours and that the US was only a footstep behind him. We heard this for months!
At the time I thought that Saddam had either joined Wormhuggers Anonymous, being hid out by the CIA and living in Las Vegas, or he was having the time of his life keeping the big kid on the block scratching our heads. Saddam enjoys a good fight, no doubt. He murdered his political opponents on his first day as El Presidente; used them for target practice. “There. You see Odai. Third button down. Now you try it on that one over there.”
“Can I shoot her in the knee Pop? I think I can hit her knee.”
“Knee is good Son. Knee is good.”
He attacked his neighbors for fun. He antagonized the US until us invaded him..Ok. Maybe not really or maybe he didn’t mean to, but after 9-11 anyone so much as sneezes in our direction and we are going face to face. Mohmar got awful helpful all of a sudden. Did you notice? Saddam fancies himself in the vein of King Neberkanuzer(sic). His palace in Tikrit is flanked by statues of a Mesopotamian Archer on one side and a soldier with his AK-47 on the other. Until the Commanding General blew them up, the Palace gate was guarded by two statues of him on his horse, sword raised and rockets firing from its hooves. Duh! How does this guy see himself? He killed his 4th grade teacher, when he was in the fourth grade! Along with Stalin and Hitler, he has to be one of Machavelli’s and Sun Tzus biggest fans.
Of course it’s been hard to find him. Right now it’s his only defense. That’s his big deal: COULDN’T FIND HIM! From the looks of the Hajjis I’ve seen on base you’d think this country was running a lottery with the grand prize going to the winner of a Saddam look-alike contest. HUP! What’s this? I feel another stale joke coming on. “Yo Hammid! Good news! Saddam survived the latest barrage of American Smart bombs so you’ve still got a job as his double. The bad news is that he lost an arm.”
Saddam, according to the rhetoric, was “12 hours away from being captured” That was in May. “Saddam was here. He went out for pizza and said he would be right back”. He is running out of places to hide. We’ve all read that ad-nauseam.
I sit here in October wondering: is he still running out of places to hide, or are we running out of places to look for him.
What is Saddam doing right now? At this very moment; if he’s not hugging maggots what? Since we’ve developed the annoying habit of showing up in full battle dress and Abrams tanks where ever we suspect him to be, he must move every 4 hours to remain safe, my money is on sleeping. Seems like he’d surrender just to get a good nights sleep. Lets invite ourselves into a possible Saddam sceneario.
Saddam! Saddam! Wake up Highness. Our four hours is up. Its time to boogie.
Go away. I’m really tired.
But Hajjiness, the 101st Airborne are gathering in the front garden with hand grenades and rocket launchers.
OK OK! Just another 10 minutes then. How can I harass the Americans while I’m dead on my feet?
Saddam Saddam. Get up Your Paunchiness. The Airborne devils are yelling for everyone to come out with their hands up.
By Allah’s Peace! You son of an Amsterdam window shopper! Just let me get another three or four minutes…They were 12 hours behind us eleven hours and 50 minutes ago. That gives me another 10 minutes. The Yankee Dogs never lie. Most of them are Baptists. Don’t you watch CNN? I swear! I’m going to shoot your whole family if you don’t leave me be.
Saddam! Odiousness! Get your self up. The Friends of Satan are breaking down the front door. We have to get into the tunnel and haul tookus!
By the fire of Allah’s vengeance. May your dog-faced daughters be visited by 10,000 fleas in the flower of their maidenhood. Don’t wake me up again until they get into the front room. Just another few minutes. I was right in the middle of a dream with 70 pensive virgins and just me without those randy kids of mine. Do you know how hard it was to get the girls when they were around?
Saddam, Saddam. Get up your dastardliness. Rise from your blessed erotic nightmares for we must make our escape.
Look You! Remind me to buy a clock with a snooze alarm…and shoot all your children in the morning. Now get out of here and stall ‘em for five minutes, just five minutes. I would sell my own mother for 5 more minutes sleep. Haa!…. She only brought ten Scheckels..but that was a long time ago. Nevermind. Make yourself useful. God of the Desert! I have to get some shut-eye. Show me you can do something besides look like me. Demand your rights. Tell them you are not surrendering till you speak to your lawyer in the morning. They’re Americans. They go for stuff like that. Threaten to sue them. And I am NOT!! Sleeping in my clothes anymore. Now get outta here. You need to get a grip. Your timing is lousy. Where do I find these jokers…zzzzzzzzz.
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