Sunday, January 17, 2016

A Country Churchyard



A country Churchyard


Tonight I’m going to share with you a state of mind. A serenity located in the church yard of one of the most peaceful and serene spots on Earth.


It's quiet and offers dew and birdly chirpings.
It’s a study in solitude.
Its combination of atmosphere and presence make one burst with a feeling of wellness.


The church yard of St. Giles country church in Stoke Poges, England , just 20 minutes west of London.


I was alarmed to see this church yard in the first scene of a James Bond movie where double O 7 took off in a helicopter.
It was for all the world to see but all they saw was the helicopter.
I’m glad. It's still my secret.
I found it on my first visit to Buckinghamshire in 1979. Allow me to take you there.


Park in the lot just outside and walk to the weathered, vined and gabled entrance.
Approaching the gate , there starts an awareness that
the mind is getting curiousor and curiousor, for the gate, with its winding vines and variegated flowers provides a whisper of what lies ahead.
“Does it get better than this? You ask.


As you pass through the gate let your eyes drink in the tilted gray stones marking the passage of long gone soldiers, priests, chambermaids, mayors, chimney sweeps faded to dust.


Standing there a feeling of blissful change, stillness begins to soak into your being.


Standing there in the mist, just inside the churchyard gate, before your mind takes you away, lift your head and take in the entire picture of the weathered grave stones helter skelter and the saxon church in the distance.
The structure itself dates well before the invasion by William the Conquerer in 1066.


The three parts remaining also include parts of the early gothic in 1220 and the Tudor architecture in 1558.


The church entrance is guarded by a heavy and never locked medieval wooden door with imposing black cast iron hinges which is approached through an alcove with heavy seats on either side.


The very act of traversing this door into the old church with its ancient wood and boxed pews tempts asking what stories they could tell. It’s like being reborn into the eternal heaven of a hectic world.


Although minuscule compared to gothic churches the design of the church is of a typical cross with small chapels on either side of the main altar in the nave. Breathe in the dank smell of ancient history here.


Just outside of the nave wall are two rather large and inconspicuous  sarcophagi.
Here lies beside his mother and his aunt, the churchyards most famous resident.


Standing beside the sarcophagi and looking into the distance just past where Roger Moore and his Jet Ranger violated a sacred quiet, stands a sandstone monument beside a large oak tree.


Which reads in part. “This Monument was erected A.D. 1788 among the scenes celebrated by that great lyric and elegant Poet Thomas Gray. He died July 30th 1771 and lies unnoticed in the graveyard adjoining under the tombstone on which he piously and pathetically recorded the interment of his Aunt and lamented Mother.”


I give you lines 13 through 20 of “Elegy written in a country churchyard” by Thomas Gray.


Beneath those rugged elms, that yew tree's shade,
Where heaves the turf in many a moldering heap,
Each in his narrow cell for ever laid,
The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep.


The breezy call of incense-breathing morn,
The swallow twittering from the straw-built shed,
The cock's shrill clarion, or the echoing horn,
No more shall rouse them from their lowly bed.


I’ve just described my favorite place on Earth. If you go I wish you all the stillness of soul that inspired Thomas Gray . I wish you the mental balm that the church yard has brought me. I wish you many happy hours reading the weathered gravestones there.


If only death could be as peaceful as this but sitting there on your bench in the Yew tree's shade, You may well wonder: How could it possibly be?
















The Perfect Day or how I sailed a 10kt wind and survived.






Saturday was a perfect day for sailing; my first of the season. I approached JudyToo with some trepidation, not having sailed her since last October. Sailing is similiar to flying. I felt like I was bobbing along as a vague, mystical figure in a Renoir painting. Wind northerly between 5 and 10 knots, temperature 76F. Perfect is such a definitive comparative. Maybe it s best described by not so perfect. Perfect in every way marked only except when it was not so perfect. Imperfect described by, I suppose, what I forgot. Like flying, sailing is uneventful most of the time when the product of good planning. Maybe I should write up a check list, just like pilots do. I forgot to put the rudder down. I forgot to check the main halyard lines un- tangled. I forgot to clear the jib downhaul line. I forgot the radio. Yes. Maybe I need a checklist. But most importantly the day was ultimately defined by what I didn't forget: the beer and cigars. Sails rigged, covers stowed, mooring lines tossed, I fired up the Tohatsu and tiller in hand began backing out of the slip. Before I figured out why the rudder wasn't responding we, JudyToo and I, were headed at a not a gentle speed toward the opposite slipped boats. Then the rudder hawser became tangled as I struggled to lower the rudder into the water, all the while the boat is headed, stern first, toward the inevitable collision with the opposing dock. "AHHH!" Motor to idle, forward gear and full throttle. Now, still with no rudder we are headed full throttle toward the forward dock. I hope no one was watching what must have appeared to be a maritime disaster just trying to get JudyToo out of the slip. If they had I wonder if they were scratching their chins wondering if they will ever see us again.
Hawser finally untangled and rudder down, we proceeded, JudyToo and frazzled skipper to the big water. Although light and variable, the wind was all over the place. I like to set the sails and sail the wind, wherever that takes me tither and yon. Yesterday that proved to be a busy busy process, only slightly complicated because I also forgot to lower her center board. I suppose if it wasn’t for all this, sailing would be boring. Still, I managed to get through two beers and a cigar.
There were about 4 other sail boats on the lake. I had sailed quite a bit down wind and being too bright to tell time by my iphone, watched for them to disappear. With their sails disappearing one by one and the sun well past its apogee, I spent another hour beating my way back up wind before giving up, stowing the sails waking up JudyToo’s six horses. By the time we returned to her slip it was 5:30. Like flying, a good approach for a good landing. With a north wind I approached at idle hugging the south side of the channel, then cut the motor about 100 feet from the slip and glided in pretty as you please. It was a pleasant change from trashing the dock with JudyToo's bow as on previous attempts. I gave her a much needed spring scrubbing atop decks, dressed her for beddie byes and got out of there at 6:30, very sore and aching for some beddie byes myself. I and every muscle in my body limped to the parking lot, hopped on the Goldwing and headed for the sack. What a great, unforgettable day.

Selling the Paki Whitehouse

Selling the Paki White House
Hassim! Can you come to my office in the morning. I have to talk to you.
Certainly Habibe. I will be there.
Hassim spent the night wondering what Habibe wanted. He had only sold one small house in a bad neighborhood since joining the firm. He hoped Habibe wasn’t going to fire him as he walked through the office door the following morning. 

Yes Hassim. We have to sell Osama’s hideout. We have been commissioned by the District Commissar of Highhanded Underhandedness to get rid of it. He says it’s an embarrassment to the government and he wants it gone at any price so do your best, but don’t come back here without a contract.
Holy Cow! Oh! Mea Culpa I didn’t mean to cuss. Looking around for any Hindus that may have over heard him. How am I going to sell Osama’s place?

Ok. List all the good parts.
High Walls. That’s good for privacy. And barbed wire for security. Maybe sell this to someone with lots of expensive toys to protect. Save on theft insurance.
Helicopter parts to salvage. Can help pay the mortgage or the electric bill.
Brains and blood smeared on the walls. Maybe a tourist angle here.
Ok. Got to go for a sign out front.
Hey. Something that will  suck in some Muslim traffic. I think I’ll hold an open house on Friday.
Maybe I can give a free kid away with each bonafide offer.
OSAMA BIN LADEN BUT NOT FORGATEN!
(free child with each bonafide offer over 20000 Shekels.)

Wish I had some video. Those Seals could have left a little something behind. They must have known we would have to sell this place after they vacated the principle tenant. Hey! I bet they left his jammies behind. Come to think of it. I wonder if there is any underwear left. Big ebay money for Osama underwear. That’s a selling point.
OSAMA SOCKS!  Still in good shape. Please wash in cold water before use. May contain bone fragments.

Ok. My first prospect.
Good morning Sahib. Would you like a tour of the Osama House? Yessir, this is the original house which was occupied by Osama till he got Obama’ed. Here is the blood smeared courtyard showing the original Seal boot tracks in the sand. Over there is a breech in the wall where the Seals blasted their way in. It is taylor made for a large gate for you to drive your armored Rolls in for parking. Lets go inside shall we?

On the ground floor there are multiple bullet holes in the walls. We decided to leave these for the discretion of the buyer to decide whether he wants to cover them up or video tape them and go for a spot on Youtube. Over here was where one of the couriers and his wife was shot. He ran out to greet them and they shot him. He was just  off his prayer rug when he heard something outside. He looked out the window and saw movement. Hey Honey! It’s the Seals. They are here finally. What in Heaven took them so long? She responded. We been cooped up here looking after that maniacs kids  for six years now. Lets go out side and greet them. Our conquering heroes. Praise Allah they are here. Lets run outside together and surrender our AK-47s. Good idea sweetness. They look like nice boys. Bring all the ammo too.

The staircase is next.  That’s where they shot Osama’s son. He heard the ruckus and ran down the stairs to plead for one last go at one of his sisters and they plugged him. Poor guy. He was only trying to reason with them. I think these Seals weren’t so reasonable. Anyway, what is left of him and his heated desires is smeared on the wall between the 4th and 7th steps.

Next we come to the room where they found Osama. It is rumored that one of the seals carried a little speaker live wired through satellite to the Obama Situation Room. I hear that the last words Osama heard was: Osama Baby! This is your Obama bin laden with ma hot lead for ya.

That Sahib, concludes the tour. You probably don’t want to see the toilet. It smells the same as the kitchen. Actually its vice-versa. Well, no sense seeing the kitchen either. Waddaya think? $40,000 Shecks and its yours. Just looking? Waddaya mean just looking. I got to dump this place and fast. How about $20,000. Ok. 10k and I’ll throw in the names of every one who knew he was here. Well, yes. That is half the population of Pakistan. Think how much you could make selling their names to the CIA.

Ok. 5000 and you get the Army Academy down the street. You can have them all. Sure. Your own military academy. They actually didn’t know Osama was here. That’s how dumb our military is. But you can have the whole lot for $4500. Ok. Sold. You Sir. Got a bargin.

Habibe. I sold the dump. Yeah! Some dumb American who wants us to leave it just as it is. We don’t have to touch a thing. He has a whole team of people who are going to be staying there for a while. Yes! Yes! He says he will also take the wives and kids. He wants the whole lot…and get this. He is paying $4500 Sheks! He could have bought the whole neighborhood for that.  Anyway. He paid cash and they are already all moved in. They showed up in a caravan of black Lincoln SUVs.  They have a lot of very fancy equipment with them that he says is for mixing baby formula and that is why he needs a high wall for security. What a deal. Dumb Americans!