CASSIDY's CAT

We moved to another neighborhood. We bought a plot and built a house because our neighbors seemed to solve their problems by buying another noisy , aggressive dog. Our neighbors were friends and they lived on either side of us. They both solved their problems the same way, by buying another mutt. Every time any one of us went into the back yard the dogs on either side of us came alive and began trying to eat holes through the chain link fence. One jumped over it once but I started shooting it with my pellet gun, much to the consternation of the owner. She was oblivious to anything that was happening in the world that didn't concern her mutts. They were hardy souls too. I tossed enough poison hamburger into her yard to kill Napoleon's Army, but it didn't phase them. Once I tossed a ball of frozen hamburger laced with a suicide portion of darvon. One of her dobermans lay asleep in the yard for three days but eventually woke up and wandered back into her house. She was brazen. She bought geese and chickens and a Rooster. I quite enjoyed the rooster crowing at 4am. I'm a morning person. The neighbors not so much apparently. Calls to the city authorities about exceeding the 3 dog limit were fruitless. They are all animal lovers , but the rooster must have been the straw for someone within earshot.

One day the neighbor appeared at our door with a small kitten. It seems, she explained that a feral cat had had a litter in her yard and then discovered the dogs, who were kept in the house overnight. The mother abandoned them and the one she was holding was the only survivor. Six year old Cassidy took the kitten. She nursed it, bonded with it, mothered it back to health. When we went on overnight trips to amusement parks or camping spots Cassidy would take pictures of the kitten and stand them up on the tables or around her sleeping bag. The kitten responded and followed Cassidy everywhere. Cassidy was the only mother she had ever known. When Cassidy came to me trying to decide on a name , I suggested Zorro. The kitten was black and white. She had a black mask and a little black on her chin reminiscent of a goatee. Cassidy liked the name. Zorro it was. We had other cats on the property. I had two outdoor cats that I had for years. Cassidy's sister had a cat, but Cassidy's only attentions were for Zorro. When she was studying or doing homework Zorro waited patiently nearby. To my observance Zorro was never a pest. Never a glutton for attention, but simply satisfied with being in Cassidy's presence, and Cassidy seemed to feel the same. I had assigned Cassidy the task, along with her sister, of assuming the responsibilities of pet ownership. Namely cleaning out the cat box daily. They took turns. I never had to remind her nor did I ever hear her complain. Truly, she loved Zorro and I have never seen a bond between human and animal such as theirs since. I was happy for her for enjoying something precious that I had never had in my life with human or animal. Her love for Zorro was based in genuine friendship. Truly I've never seen anything like it. Cassidy had been teaching me lessons since I watched her slide out of her mother, right on time, to the minute. Here was an exceptional individual. She always looked forward to school, raced to do her homework, never distracted from her duties, cried when she got her first 'B'. I felt a special connection to this most genuine of individuals. Her sister was jealous of her. Maybe it was by my actions, showing unconscious favoritism, noticed only by her. How is a parent to see these things? Occurrences from my childhood , my parents had no recollection of. What is important and shaped my life did not have the same priorities to them. This is natural. Parents have different priorities than their children. Our family was plagued by a sour parental relationship. To my mind I tried my best for all of them but laid helpless before a pretentions wife, who as soon as she got control filed for divorce without regard to anyone's priorites but her own. I digress but I think that the divorce and the death of Zorro had a profound negative effect on Cassidy's opinion of her father.

“Dad, Zorro has a lump in her stomach.”

I examined her and told Cassidy that we would watch it and that it was probably nothing but to wait and see if it got larger. It did.

The two outside cats supplemented their diet by catching bluejays. They were quite good at it. At the time and having learned from this experience. Catfood is catfood. So I always fed them the cheapest catfood I could buy at Walmart. Now the papers are full of stories about cheap and villainous products sold to the American Market by China. Catfood was on the list and was killing scores of pets across the U.S. In a number of ways. Investigating the scandal, the food and Drug Administration's discovered dried cat and dog food made from putrid meat, chicken beaks, feathers, feet and other nefarious ingredients such as ground up rodents. There are regulations, but what are their enforcement priorities before an outcry of the citizenry asking why their pets are all of a sudden dying from malnutrition, cancer, and other diseases. The simultaneous nationwide pet deaths made the papers and woke up the rubber stamping bureaucrats. Zorro was one of the statistics. I felt terrible for my ignorance and naive trust of major name brands in catfood.

When Zorro's lump got so big she was dragging it around behind her we took her to the vet who had previously informed us that there was no hope and she would have to be put to sleep. We spent about a half hour in the operating room, Cassidy, her mother and older sister and me waiting for Cassidy to call in the Vet. I'm afraid I grew impatient and made a terrible error in finally saying “C’mon Cassidy. Let’s get it over with.” I wonder if right then she blamed Zorro's death on me. After the Vet administered the shot she started crying and cried all the way home. I buried Zorro in the back yard under Cassidy's bedroom window. We bought a grave marker. I felt helpless. I don't think Cassidy ever forgave me and the memories of those days weigh heavily on my conscious. Mea Culpa Cassidy. I have no excuse other than I'm only human and despite all that has happened or your perception of what happened , you will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you very much and miss you terribly.

Love, Dad.